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28 Hilarious Coffee Jokes For Coffee Lovers

a smiling coffee in a cup

We take coffee pretty seriously, but every once in a while, it’s a good idea to lighten the roast…uhh, mood. We’ve put together a compilation of the funniest coffee jokes we could find. There are some groaners, some clever turns of phrase, and some legitimately hilarious jokes here. We hope you enjoy them!

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Top 21 Short Coffee Jokes

1. Hipsters

How did the hipster burn their mouth? They drank their coffee before it was cool.


2. Fired

Why did the barista get fired? They kept showing up to work in a tea-shirt.


3. Exercise

What’s a barista’s favorite exercise? The French press.


4. Boots

I was drinking coffee in my snow boots this morning when I thought to myself, “I need to get a mug.”


5. Programming

What’s a barista’s favorite programming language? Java.

6. Teenagers

How are coffee beans like teenagers? Both are always getting grounded.


7. Gossip

What does a gossiping coffee do? Spill the beans.


8. Lady Gaga

What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee? Raw raw raw raw raw.


9. Doctor

What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? I don’t have a problem with coffee; I have a problem without it!


10. So Funny

What do you call it when a coffee joke is so funny that it causes an uproar? A brew-haha.


11. Theft

Someone stole my coffee cup, so I’m heading down to the police station to look over some mugshots.


12. Soldiers

Did you hear about the guy who put World War II figures in his coffee every morning? He heard that the best part of waking up was soldiers in your cup.

happy smiling coffee
Unsplash

13. Han Solo

Who did Han Solo owe coffee to? Java the Hut.


14. Coffee Snobs

How does a coffee snob take their coffee? Seriously. Very seriously.


15. Mud

Why do some people call fresh coffee mud? Because it was just ground a few minutes ago.


16. Liars

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love coffee and liars.


17. Moses

Does Moses use instant coffee? No. He brews.

Monday coffee memes
Image credit: Unsplash

18. Diplomacy

What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee? What’s Sumatra with you?


19. Opinions

What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion? I asked for a coffee.


20. Sensitive

Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people? It can be a strong, heated debate.


21. Specialty Coffee Joke

What does specialty coffee have in common with Eric Clapton? Both are good without cream.

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Longer Coffee Jokes

1. A tall blonde woman walks into a coffee shop.

The barista says, “We have a drink named after you!” With a confused look on her face, the blonde woman says, “You have a drink named Lisa?”


2. A thirsty customer walks into a coffee shop.

He asks the barista, “How much for a cup of coffee?” The barista points to the menu and says, “Five dollars for a cup of coffee and refills are free.” The customer responds, “Thanks. I’ll have a refill.”


3. A man went to the doctor.

He complains that he gets a sharp pain in his eye every time he takes a sip of coffee. The doctor said, “Have you tried taking the spoon out?”

4. A woman walks into a coffee shop carrying a large chunk of asphalt.

She walks up to the barista and says, “I’ll take a cappuccino for me, please, and a latte for the road.


5. A man fell into a vat of coffee and died.

The police told his wife, in an attempt to console her, “At least he didn’t suffer; it was instant.”


6. You have 16 sugar cubes and three mugs of coffee.

How do you put an odd number of sugar cubes in each one, making sure to use all 16 sugar cubes? You put one cube in the first mug, one cube in the second mug, and 14 cubes in the third mug because 14 is an odd number of sugar cubes to put in a coffee.


7. An astronaut was making coffee and complained, “I can’t find any milk.”

Another astronaut replied, “In space, no one can. Here, use cream.”


NOTE: Are you looking for more coffee fun? We also have hilarious roundups of coffee memes, coffee quotes, and coffee GIFs!

SEE ALSO: 16 Foolproof Coffee Pick-Up Lines


Featured Image Credit: Karolina Grabowska, Pixabay

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Sean Brennan

Sean’s obsession with coffee started when he received his first French press as a gift almost ten years ago. Since then, his love of coffee – and the number of coffee gadgets he owns – has grown considerably. A scientist by training, there is no stone he has left unturned in the never-ending quest for the perfect cup of coffee. He has spent many hours tuning his pour-over technique, thinking about how to best compare grind quality, and worrying about whether the Nicaraguan or Kenyan beans will make the best cold brew. These days he favors the Hario V60, and starts each day by hand grinding his coffee before enjoying a cup prepared with care and attention to detail.

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