We take coffee pretty seriously, but every once in a while, it’s a good idea to lighten the roast…uhh, mood. We’ve put together a compilation of the funniest coffee jokes we could find. There are some groaners, some clever turns of phrase, and some legitimately hilarious jokes here. We hope you enjoy them! We’ll start with short coffee jokes and then show your our favorite longer coffee jokes. Let’s get started:
Top 21 Short Coffee Jokes:
How did the hipster burn their mouth? They drank their coffee before it was cool.
Why did the barista get fired? They kept showing up to work in a tea-shirt.
What’s a barista’s favorite exercise? The French press.
I was drinking coffee in my snow boots this morning when I thought to myself, “I need to get a mug.”
What’s a barista’s favorite programming language? Java.
How are coffee beans like teenagers? Both are always getting grounded.
What does a gossiping coffee do? Spill the beans.
8. Lady Gaga
What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee? Raw raw raw raw raw.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? I don’t have a problem with coffee; I have a problem without it!
10. So Funny
What do you call it when a coffee joke is so funny that it causes an uproar? A brew-haha.
Someone stole my coffee cup, so I’m heading down to the police station to look over some mugshots.
Did you hear about the guy who put World War II figures in his coffee every morning? He heard that the best part of waking up was soldiers in your cup.
13. Han Solo
Who did Han Solo owe coffee to? Java the Hut.
14. Coffee Snobs
How does a coffee snob take their coffee? Seriously. Very seriously.
Why do some people call fresh coffee mud? Because it was just ground a few minutes ago.
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love coffee and liars.
Does Moses use instant coffee? No. He brews.
What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee? What’s Sumatra with you?
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion? I asked for a coffee.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people? It can be a strong, heated debate.
21. Specialty Coffee Joke
What does specialty coffee have in common with Eric Clapton? Both are good without cream.
Top 7 Longer Coffee Jokes:
1. A tall blonde woman walks into a coffee shop.
The barista says, “We have a drink named after you!” With a confused look on her face, the blonde woman says, “You have a drink named Lisa?”
2. A thirsty customer walks into a coffee shop.
3. A man went to the doctor.
He complains that he gets a sharp pain in his eye every time he takes a sip of coffee. The doctor said, “Have you tried taking the spoon out?”
4. A woman walks into a coffee shop carrying a large chunk of asphalt.
She walks up to the barista and says, “I’ll take a cappuccino for me, please, and a latte for the road.
5. A man fell into a vat of coffee and died.
The police told his wife, in an attempt to console her, “At least he didn’t suffer; it was instant.”
6. You have 16 sugar cubes and three mugs of coffee.
How do you put an odd number of sugar cubes in each one, making sure to use all 16 sugar cubes? You put one cube in the first mug, one cube in the second mug, and 14 cubes in the third mug because 14 is an odd number of sugar cubes to put in a coffee.
7. An astronaut was making coffee and complained, “I can’t find any milk.”
Another astronaut replied, “In space, no one can. Here, use cream.”
SEE ALSO: 16 Foolproof Coffee Pick-Up Lines
Featured Image Credit: Karolina Grabowska, Pixabay
Table of Contents
- Top 21 Short Coffee Jokes:
- 1. Hipsters
- 2. Fired
- 3. Exercise
- 4. Boots
- 5. Programming
- 6. Teenagers
- 7. Gossip
- 8. Lady Gaga
- 9. Doctor
- 10. So Funny
- 11. Theft
- 12. Soldiers
- 13. Han Solo
- 14. Coffee Snobs
- 15. Mud
- 16. Liars
- 17. Moses
- 18. Diplomacy
- 19. Opinions
- 20. Sensitive
- 21. Specialty Coffee Joke
- Top 7 Longer Coffee Jokes:
- 1. A tall blonde woman walks into a coffee shop.
- 2. A thirsty customer walks into a coffee shop.
- 3. A man went to the doctor.
- 4. A woman walks into a coffee shop carrying a large chunk of asphalt.
- 5. A man fell into a vat of coffee and died.
- 6. You have 16 sugar cubes and three mugs of coffee.
- 7. An astronaut was making coffee and complained, “I can’t find any milk.”